Am I Famous Now…

Just copied the content of my first and shortest blog ever, Belgianlondoner into this blog. The idea of the article was to write a little stand-up-comedygig. Since I am such a consistent person, I just wrote the first version of it and didn’t bother anymore afterwards, except pasting it here, but I still think it is funny…

London, three weeks now…
So far, everytime I’ve been here, I loved it to go to Camden Town because I like the melting pot over there… hanging around at the stables, enjoying ethno-stores or cyberdog-clothes, drinking fresh orangejuice at Camden Lock and enjoying a Segafredo coffee at the Cuba Bar, which is totally dislocated in Camden, but I think that’s just the way Camden Town is… a nice melting pot… ;-)

So immediately after I arrived, after a long journey from Germany over night by coach - yes I am one of those poor people who didn’t have money for another, maybe even cheaper way of travelling - I went to Camden Town. This was actually totally logic :: I could have choosen to go for a little sleep, but no it’s just nicer to stay awake all time and not to listen to your body, but to go for the straight shots of coffeine, yes those one we use to call double and triple espresso…

The journey to Camden Town was just as crappy, as I hope this blog will become one day… Although you knew which metros you had to take, the ’subground-underway’ totally p***ed me of again… I felt this happy not the be blond, because I had forgotten my navigation system… I demand that instead of tubemaps, the london major every single person in this town a map of every tubestation…
Actually the idea of every train having his own platform is great, but imagine what happens when the station has like 5 metrolines… It would actually be to easy if every metrostation was build like a railwaystation, just having all the platforms next to eachother… nono, in this town you first have to pass trough a labyrinth of elevators, corridors and live-musicians… this is actually most dangerous act for londoner firsttimers…

you think you got well prepared for london, FORGET IT !!!

I bet you think you will have to keep left all time, well that’s biggest error you could make, people will just walk into you all the time, because at a lot of corridors you have to keep right… even more, don’t dare to stand left on the elevators, they will shout at you and so will I. The left side on them is for the loonatics like me, those who think they always have to rush in live, hoping to make their journey some seconds shorter…

Get out of our way and keep right !!!

Actually in londoner subground-underwaysystem it is really important to be a literate, intellectual who doesn’t always have a look at the colour of the metrolines to find his way trough all those stations without having a gps-system for them… Actually now you might think you will easily find the right platform, staying at the right. Wrong again, in some corridors you have to keep left, but try to read every sign you see, and don’t start to watch at the pictures of Robbie Williams being back at Madame Tussauds. Ok I have to admit I also like this crazy entertainer, but reading the signs will rather help you surviving in this town as having a look at a 1D-picture of some blokes 3D-waxmodel…

Come on, get out of my way, some people have to work and have no time, move on you stupid tourist!

Starting to get annoyed by the ‘metro’system you are loooking around for the signs and actually find the direction for the right metroline… Yes, finally getting there… you will manage it, because you really prepared your journey and now all the endstations of the metrolines you have to take… BAD LUCK!!!
Get out your compass, because you shouldn’t have been looking where they are going to, but you have to know if the line goes southern, eastern, northern or western… Damn, luckily for you - since you really prepared well - you’re having a tubemap in your daypack and being totally in panic you grab it. Where the hell are you being right now, that map is that small and has that many stops on it… You never thought live could be this hard, actually the only thing you wanted was to have a fun time and to go to Camden Town, because some belgian guy in London told you it was a nice area. Desperately trying to find out where Piccadilly Circus is on the map, people are passing around you, overwhelming you…

Don’t stand there in the middle. Don’t you know this is an controlled area, with no stopping at any time ! You think you’re the only one in this station ???

Half an our later, you finally found the right platform and head for Camden Town… This was a real hard time, but you survived it ! Lucky you… ;-)
You just have to figure out what is the right exit now, but you smart-ass, just follow the crowd. This is going to be fun, finally in Camdem Town…

As you come out of the station you get your next shock. Surviving London is going to become hard, only some hours here and still no fun…

Is this the nice melting pot that Belgian bloke told us about ? You managed it the find the right exit, you think, and what do you see ???
Loads of people around you, and at the other side of the road, your first londoner sideseeing-impressions : Vodafone, O2, The Carphone Warehouse Company and Boots (drugstore). Was this why I came here ? Didn’t that guy tell me it was a nice little oase in London, far away from ’so-called civilisation’. OK, he admitted some big brands also settled down in Camden Town, having their designer stores over there, but did he mean mobilephone companies ??? This can’t be true…

Come on, get out of my way, this is London, people have to move on - you stupid tourists !

Hey, have a look over there… that must be it - you just discovered a guy carrying a sign for a vietnamese buffet, all you can eat for only 3pounds. Jeez, that guys cherokee is high… This must be the Camden Town he spoke of, so lets hit that direction… As you finally move on, you realise this must be a scary area - do you really want to hang out here? This place is full of punks, or were it skinheads? Hey you got lucky, they seem to be nice. Another punk just handed you a flyer with some weird design. Having had a closer look at this - people are still passing from everyside - a magic-mushroomshop, GREAT !!! What is this, they sell magic mushrooms here… this is nice, I thought drugs where illegal in London.

Wake up man, they even have an internetadress. We are living 2005. ‘Everyone does Charlie’ (The Daily Times, Saturday 12.06.2005)

On your way to Camden Lock, that must be where the whole crowd is going, several people just put you flyers for tattoostudios and parties in your hands, other ones - mostly rastafarians who really smell, even stink pot, propose you some great marihuana deals… You discover tattoostudios all-over and every second store seems to sell New Rock shoes. THIS AREA IS GREAT !!! LETS GET PIERCED, TATTOOED AND STONED ! IF THIS IS LONDON I REALLY WANT TO LIVE HERE !

Damn, you are really a stupid tourist, this is Camden Town. Will you also buy a shirt like in Amsterdam, beeing that proud of gotting ripped in Camden ?

Having spent loads of money in all those cheap stores, you finally arrive at Camden Lock and you go for the stables. NICE AREA over here. Time for some coffee. Without realising, you just ordered your coffee at one of the biggest coffeeshop-company. Even Costa Coffee discovered the financial potential of ernting a stable at Camden Lock. Walking on, and enjoying this crowd and the nice stores, you just feel great in this area, holding your take away coffee in the hand. All the clothes they sell here really aren’t your style, but you still like them. Phunkyfish seems just great to you, although you consider CyberDog being way to expensive for your budget you consider buying a great skirt over there or should you rather go for some goth-clothes, you would never buy them back home.

Trust me, you will never wear them either. But just go on acting as a tourist, it strengthens Londons economy.

Finally you decide to buy this pink miniskirt at Phunkyfish, you look like a powerpuff-girl in it, you really finds it suits you. GREAT. And above all it only coasts 45quit. At home you might get it for 12$, but who cares. This is London !!! DO YOU TAKE CREDITS CARDS ? Of course, even smallest stable takes AmEx. Join the tourism. You go for your wallet with ‘the daddy-sponsorised credit-card’ in, turning your purse upside down. This can’t be true, they just stole your wallet… Some sad first hours as a londoner firsttimer… On the way back to the hostel you think back of that nice miniskirt. It would have suited you that well, you just looked great in…

Welcome to London. I just love it and even love american tourists more. And remember ’stand clear of closing doors’.

I absolutely must work the grammar of this entry!