I am back in business. Should I say finally?
7 Months only and I, the Fight Club lover and former attac activist, am back at the S&P100 (^OEX) company. More even, I enjoy it being back.
Why? Because I realized that the last months were a major failure. A failure because I allowed emotions and had no chance to show them. That sucks, but such is life.
I didn’t want to listen to friends, but now life goes on1. Finally.
I guess pretty much everything personal of last year has gone wrong, and the things of my life before I seem to have nuked them. There has been one comeback and that was M., but it was a very short comeback.
Were our plans honest, have we been open enough in what we hoped, wanted?
I think I was, I think it was clear what I meant when I told her that I wanted a floor for my own with office and own sleeping room, as well as an own entrance door.
We have never spoken about what exactly happened, but the day I told her about The Dresden Dolls concert the problems started.
Within some days we had a huge fight and she left to Germany only some days later. We didn’t contact each other weeks long, even though I must admit that her analysis probably correct was and the concert only an excuse was. But still I can’t think her anger was only altruistic.
When she left for (normally less than 2 weeks) Germany, she told me I could call her when I had cancelled my trip.
Work makes it impossible for me to hop on the plane Friday morning and go spend a weekend in the US, but I am too proud to call her. It is my life and if I rather were to hurt myself, that would have been MY decision.
Besides that I can’t tell her that it is my choice not to go, because I still want to but sadly have no time.
Today I also cancelled the option we took on the house.
Will we get back in touch one day? I strongly doubt it. Unless she manages it to convince me she has no other hopes than just be a friend.
Will I ever go to the Onion Cellar? Lets hope I will work at least 100 hours weekly.
What will happen now?
This blog is about to change drastically. The smart lurker reader might already have gotten some hints about where the new personal domain and if not, mail me. 2 3
Due to my job I still have some decisions and changes to make but (maybe) soon more about that.4
1 I admit I am still chewing on this one. And yes this is self-censored.
2 I might last minute decide to alter the URIs and stay here, but I think it were not smart. Although AIFN has become something really personal.
3 I might not control the self-censorship as well as I did last 7 months.
4 I am too lazy to link to all related entries.
4 have made me smarter ↓
1 The Corporal // Dec 13, 2006 at 9:01 am// View all comments by The Corporal //
Women… Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. Well… You can, but, everything is so much messier.
2 Simon // Dec 13, 2006 at 12:00 pm// View all comments by Simon //
Yep. Frustrating creatures. Still, hope it all works out for you Franky.
3 Charred // Dec 14, 2006 at 6:36 pm// View all comments by Charred //
I thought the saying was, “Women… you can’t beat ‘em.”
I guess I’d better send an email asking where you’re moving to.
4 Franky // Dec 14, 2006 at 9:08 pm// View all comments by Franky //
Maybe I should have clearer about M. We have/had a special relationship : we privately behaved as a couple, but without sex. People could have thought we were together, but we knew we were only very close friends
Yes I know, strange but surely a great experience when it works. And obviously a very dangerous thing as well.