Am I Famous Now…

Last night, when I was showering, I felt the sudden urge to smear lots of self-love out in an entry here. About how calm and stable, I had become last 2 years. How responsible even in many times.
Gone is the life when I woke up in the morning and just felt like leaving, seeing something new and probably in the afternoon already, at last next day I was on a plane.

Enjoying the streams of hot water on my skin, mixed with a healthy and enjoyable dose of Body Shop Coconut shower gel, I felt accomplished. I knew that when I would write this entry, I would import at the same time several entries from AIFN and link to them. I even knew which entries.

I had mastered two situation yesterday, two situations in which I would have reacted totally different not that long ago.
One I laughed off. Why should one bother if people beheave pathetically, doing everything to catch attention? Why waste my valuable time and create a scandal?¹
In another situation a friend was disappointed, indirectly or directly even, due to me. And disappointment, frustration of course can lead to weird conversations, discussions one would rather not go through with friends.

As where not 24 months ago, I would have reacted and had my go at this person, probably crushed some ego and grown my Ego Galaxy^TM, I realized that nowadays I have become different.
Not only have I shown here, and at AIFN that I have mastered the skill of self-censorship, but there’s more : I listen. I allow people to feel bad and even have a go at me if that makes them feel better.

Fuck! I’ve become a boring person!

Where are the times that people respected me because of the ego crusher I was? That they feared me?

Gee… I’ve become boring.

But then, when my skin starting going through coconut cold turkey again. When the joy of hot fluids and soft balsam was gone and my fingers started tickling, wanting to hit the keyboard, I realized my life still is the same fucking roller coaster as it was before.
I just sit back more and have a distant look at many things nowadays.

Look at things and wait.

Almost laidback.

And now the cherry on top of the sugar. I do realize that some bloggers have helped me in this over last 18 months, but I am not going to link to them. The persons I keep regularly contact with are in my sidebar know this and if not, let it be said now.
Other ones… don’t make yourself any illusions. I do test people… and most of you time after time prove me you’re not worth my attention.

¹ No, I would not delete any entries anymore, but defend I have done this not that long ago. It gives me a good feeling to have done this. A good feeling, because I have come this far. And shown I am the better one.
^REFLEXION Somehow the title doesn’t seem too appropriate. Wonder what went wrong. I blame the footnotes!